LawLiet
by HappyDaiz100
Summary: The God is lying low and the hermit is ready to pounce. (AU/Crackfic)
1. The Plan of plans

Chapter Uno- The plan of plans.

L was sitting in one of the many bedrooms in the 'Task Force Headquarters' and was mulling over last night's events. He knew Light was Kira… it was obvious- well maybe not to the hare-brained Task Force- but L wouldn't let himself believe that someone as ugly ,and Bond-villainy as Higuchi to be the criminal killing mastermind that was Kira.

He sighed, "Watari," he said into the intercom on the coffee table, "Bring up some strawberry cake and coffee!" he paused, "and tell the Shinigami to come up as well, I have an idea." L slumped back onto the stripy couch. He never usually slumped, but the sheer ridiculousness of the past few months was starting to take its toll.

After about five minutes of pacing, another thing L never did, Watari finally arrived with the snacks; followed by the tall bony figure that was Rem. "Watari, Shinigami, take a seat," L ordered while collecting his sugary snack. He smiled a little at the creamy-looking cake; so many good memories came from this simple dessert. After a few minutes of eating the strawberry flavoured heaven, L began to hatch his plan, "I still suspect Light Yagami of being Kira and have conducted a sneaky plan to call him out on his murderous quest to godhood," L took a small pause to catch his breath, he turned towards Rem, "shinigami, we will need your death god magic to fake our own deaths," Rem nodded as she was almost as bored as Ryuk and needed something to do. L then turned to Watari, "Watari, will you be willing to die for a week, just to make sure the Task Force don't catch on to our plan?" he asked, putting down his cup of coffee.  
"anything for your safety, Ryuzaki," Watari replied, peering over his sliver spectacles.

"then it's settled," L stood in an early triumph, knocking over his cake, "first thing tomorrow, Shinigami, you will temporarily kill us for Light and use your Death God magic to teleport back to the Shinigami realm, faking your own death," L took another breath brake, as he was so eager to tell them his plan.

"what if Light wants to kill you himself?" Rem finally spoke, flipping her ear length (if she had any) purple dreadlocks, for no reason.

"don't worry, I know Light," L smirked evilly, "he wouldn't want to leave a trail."

"I don't think there is anything else to add," said Watari, rising from his seat, "L, all we can do now is trust the shinigami and then wait for the rest of the plan." Rem and Watari sparkled out of the room, leaving L to ponder.

"your reign is almost up, Kira-boy."


	2. There she waits

Chapter Deux- There she waits.

**A/N: I don't own any of the lyrics used in this chapter.**

Light's feelings towards L were never clear-cut. He hated the detective more than he hated his mother's cooking (Mrs Yagami is a dreadful cook, take it from me), but L Lawliet was the only person with a mind to match his. Was. Now he is dead and buried along with his bad posture and troubled mind. A warm breeze swept through the graveyard and the beautiful God couldn't tell if these crocodile tears were an act.

Beautiful God, he liked that. The perfect image of a new world. It was just out of his reach, he just needed to get rid of the bone heads of the Task Force and his image would become a reality.

Buzz, Buzz. One new voice message. "Light!" Misa's shrill voice pierced Light's ears, "I know you're bummed about killing L, but I have something that might cheer you up!" Light could hear the wink in Misa's voice. The thought of her sprawled out on the couch in something short, tight and black actually repulsed him a little (hint, hint). He took one last look around the graveyard and spat on the detective's grave. Although for some reason, he regretted it (hint, fucking hint).

* * *

Misa waited for light in his room. He had given her a spare key to his house in case of an emergency (but it's obvious this isn't why she's in his room *wink wonk*). She grew tired of sitting of his bed and decided to snoop around for a bit. After poking around in his cupboards and drawers she found: a new packet of spare pens, some porno magazines that looked like brand new (although the date was from a year ago), several screwed up notes with the writing torn out and too many hair products. Damn! Other than the whole Kira thing, Light was really boring. Misa sighed. Then she heard the front door slam (this chapter was getting a little boring). "Misa put some fucking clothes on!" called Light's voice from downstairs. Misa frowned, because she was already wearing clothes (what! You want costume porn? Go read My Immortal then ya prep!).

After skipping down the stairs she met light at the door. His hair was all dishevelled and sexy and his tie was loose. He looked her straight (the only this he does straight... am I right?) in the eyes and said, "I've won!"

"Don't you mean _we've _won?" Misa retorted she was starting to get sick of not being appreciated for her hard work.

"Yeah, whatever," light dismissed, he walked into the living room and flopped face-down onto the couch.

Misa sighed again and left the house. "Fly me to the moon and do do do do," she sang as she wondered down the dark, empty street. It was almost 9pm so the darkness was understandable.

Beep, beep! Her red phone flashed and beeped. The screen read: _ONE NEW VOICEMAIL. _She pressed OK and listened. "The God is lying low and the hermit is ready to pounce" said the altered voice.

Misa grinned, her bangs covering her eyes. The time was here.


	3. Just Keep Digging

Chapter Three- Just keep digging.

So here we are, back at the graveyard. You might be wondering who the short guy in the balaclava is. Well, his name cannot be told as he is a cameo and this fic will not be a crossover.

This short man - whose name will not be mentioned - was part of the two person team, which was helping L and Watari. He leaned his toned body on the heavy shovel by his side. The girl was late and he was sick of waiting.

"Pssst!" hissed a voice from behind a bush. Emerging from the hedges was a petite (yet taller than the man) girl with long blonde hair. She was dressed completely in black as this was a night time job. "Amane, you're late!" said the man, picking up his shovel,

"Sorry, I had to come up with an excuse," Misa apologized, picking up her own shovel and turning the flashlight on the grave in front of them.

The man just sighed and they set off to work. Misa held the light while the man started digging out the grave. It wasn't particularly as hard as it could've been, because the dirt was still soft and new.

"Phew! Now help me lift this thing up." The man commanded he was used to commanding people.

They both reached into the open grave and pulled the coffin out with all their might. Misa paused when she saw the grave. She knew it would be hard seeing it, but she didn't really prepare herself for the tears.  
"Stop crying and help me put it in the van," the man said and let out a frustrated sigh. This girl was worse than a new trainee. Misa composed herself and they both lifted an end of the coffin each and hauled it onto the black van. They then both got into it and drove away into the night.

* * *

(Two Days Later)

"GAAAAAH!" L woke up to a splash of icy cold water. Holy fucking hock sticks, it was freezing!

"Get up sleepy!" said Misa, smiling cutely. L just stared at her wide eyed, breathing heavily.

He looked around and realised that they were in his old room at Wammy's House. The walls were still the same bland, pale grey that he remembered, but all of his old posters and computers had since long been removed.

"Misa!" L exclaimed, finally coming to his senses, "how long have I been err... asleep?"

"Three months," Misa replied, while getting up from her crouching position to open the curtains. L winced at the new light. Too many years in the shadows had almost made him allergic.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. "Come in!" Misa called to the door. As it opened a small teenaged boy with white hair and a bored expression entered the room.

"So, you really are alive then," Near's face didn't change as he made this statement, he just flipped his hair dramatically because he is one bad-ass kid, "anyways, Watari is recovering in his office and he wants to speak with you two." Near said, smiling at the author's compliment.

Misa helped L out of bed and the two of them followed Near down the hallways of Wammy's House. "So you must Near then, Rodger has told me a lot about you!" L said in a slightly patronising voice, as he was not used to working with children. Near just turned around, gave L the finger and continued walking.

"How charming," Misa rolled her brown eyes (she got bored of the blue contacts). As they walked down the halls, children of all ages peeked through the doors to stare at the legend that was L. they weren't completely sure what they were expecting him to be like, some imagined him to be the detective equivalent to Phoenix Wright, and others thought him to be a super-human badass with the powers of a lighting-eating God. All were wrong. They got a messy haired, candy-eating hermit with bad posture (still hot though *wink wonk*).

When they got to the office Watari wasn't the only person there. Rodger was standing by the window, rubbing his temples. L knew how he felt; the whole plan was taking its toll on everyone. Watari was sitting at his desk and rose his head as he saw them, "Ah, Ryuzaki!" he got up and embraced L, "it's excellent to see you awake." L just smiled uncomfortably, he wasn't used to human contact, "it's good to see you too, Watari," L knew it was safe to call Watari by his real name (Quillish Wammy), but he was so used to using the alias that he didn't bother.

Everyone sat and waited for L to give directions for the rest of his mastermind plan. _Oh, crapsicles,_ L thought to himself, _I really haven't thought this through_. L took in a deep breath and began to bluff his way through the plan, "Well as you all know, I still suspect Light Yagami as being Kira," as he looked around he saw the short nameless cameo and Mello were in the room (good, he needed all the help he could get), "which he has proven by killing me and Watari,"

"But that doesn't explain why _she _is here!" Mello interrupted, pointing at Misa.

Watari seemed to look away in embarrassment. How was L going to explain what he had done?

L closed his eyes and then looked up through his matted hair, "You see my blonde replacement," he directed at Mello, "what you see is only the body of Misa Amane, not the mind…" he trailed off, because he knew the things he had done were not 100% legal or even tested. He threw a begging look at Watari, just small enough so no one else could tell he was struggling.

"I think you all will have to trust us in believing that she is a double agent and Misa Amane is an alias!" Watari finished. L owed him one.

"But what do you mean by, 'not the mind'?" asked Near, suspiciously.

"Erm, the whole 'Misa Misa' thing is just an act to deceive Light Yagami," L lied skilfully.

Near and Mello exchanged a suspicious look and then shrugged. If L trusts her then so will they.

After almost an hour of explaining and planning it was decided that Near and Mello would pretend to carry on the masquerade and find hard evidence of Light being guilty. 'Misa' will carry on using her fake Death Note to pretend to kill criminals and will have weekly updates with the 'Nameless Cameo'.

"And I," L said at the end, "will say hello to an old friend…"


End file.
